We’ve all been there. You’re at a family gathering, maybe for Thanksgiving, and that one relative that everyone thinks is a little odd starts doing something really, well, odd (if you don’t have that relative, the odd one is probably you!) Maybe they eat too much turkey and fall asleep on the recliner, maybe they have one too many dinner cocktails and say something inappropriate, or maybe they are loudly rooting for your football team’s rival during the Thanksgiving Day games. The point is, somewhere in the middle of the holiday, you will probably wish you didn’t invite that guest. Disney characters are the same exact way. While you’d want Mrs. Potts (great server), Clayton from Tarzan (bringing some really fresh meat), or Chef Louis from The Little Mermaid (killer crab appetizers), there are also a lot of Disney Characters Who’d Make Lousy Guests For Thanksgiving.
Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast – I’m not going to pull any punches with Cogsworth here, the guy is a bit of a stick in the mud. When Belle passes on dinner with The Beast only to get hungry later and stop by the kitchen, Cogsworth wants to give her crusts of bread and water to eat. So what happens if one of your kids won’t eat during Thanksgiving dinner? Will Cogsworth start clearing the plates and tell them “too bad?” I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that kind of negative energy around my kids. He’s also not up for anything remotely adventurous or fun. When the board games come out after Thanksgiving dinner is over, I think Cogsworth might be that lame relative who wants to sit on the couch and watch CNN. I want to have a fun Thanksgiving, so sorry to Cogsworth, but he’s out.
Tiana from The Princess and the Frog – Tiana is a wonderful would-be princess who seems like a really good person, but I wouldn’t want her standing behind me while I’m trying to get Thanksgiving dinner together. The girl works in different restaurants for like 22 hours a day to save up money to buy her OWN restaurant. I can’t compete with that. She’s going to be looking over my shoulder, “add some salt to this…add some Louisiana hot sauce over here…you’re burning the turkey.” No thanks. If I’m making Thanksgiving dinner then I want to own it, mistakes and all. I just don’t think Tiana would be a guest who’s comfortable sitting in the background and watching someone else get all the accolades for cooking a great Thanksgiving dinner. Sorry Tiana, you can’t come this year. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t handle the pressure.
Willie The Giant – Willie is like the service at your local diner, spotty and a little bit unpredictable. Sometimes Willie is a sweet, good guy (like his appearances on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), but other times he’s a maniac who’s trying to eat other Disney characters (Mickey & The Beanstalk). I’m not positive that I’d want that kind of a wildcard coming to my house on Thanksgiving. I don’t want to risk sitting down on my recliner with the family, turkey leg in hand, and then Willie comes and rips off our roof just to get to the turkey leg before I take a bite. Also, even if he shows up in a good mood, how much is it going to set me back to feed this guy? He’s literally a giant. I’m not up for cooking 25 turkeys on Thanksgiving and I don’t have the kind of disposable income to even give the man an appetizer. On Thanksgiving, Willie can stick to his castle in the sky because he won’t be welcome at my house.
Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove – Sure, Yzma might be mildy entertaining at dinner. She’s evil, she can deliver some pretty hilarious one-liners, and she seems like she would keep the Thanksgiving guests on their toes. The problem is, she’d keep everyone on their toes for the wrong reasons. Remember when she tried to poison Emperor Kuzco?! Would you feel comfortable sitting next to her? Would you feel like you could take your eyes off of her, even for a second? I don’t think it’s worth it! Kronk says something funny, you turn your head to laugh, and BOOM, Yzma poisons your mashed potatoes without even missing a beat. I know it may sound a bit far-fetched, but Kuzco thought he and Yzma were buddies right up until he was drugged by her. Sure, he wasn’t exactly a nice guy, but who knows what other grudges Yzma is holding. In my opinion, Yzma should be home alone with a Banquet frozen turkey dinner.
Rapunzel – Look, I have nothing personal against Rapunzel. She seems like a sweet girl who was put in a terrible situation and made the best out of it. She’s bright, bubbly, and a talented singer and would instantly put every guest at the Thanksgiving dinner in a good mood. She just has WAY too much hair. Honestly, my house isn’t big enough to hold all of that hair. At home she has an entire tower to keep all of that in. At my house it would be on people’s laps while they were trying to eat stuffing. That’s just not sanitary at all. Then what happens if someone spills something on her hair? She can’t cut it or it will lose its magical powers. I don’t want any part of that responsibility. Then I might be looking at lawsuits or liens against my property. Sorry, Rapunzel, you’re a nice girl and all, but you’ll have to stay locked up in the tower this Thanksgiving.
This Thanksgiving I’ll be keeping a close eye on the turkey and an even closer eye on the NFL games (especially my Philadelphia Eagles), but I don’t have a third eye to watch out for lousy Thanksgiving guests. That’s why none of these Disney characters will be invited along with many others like Wreck-It Ralph (homeowners insurance claim waiting to happen), Dopey (absolutely no conversation skills at all), and Jack Skellington (creepy and also dead). I hope you all have a fantastic and wonderful Thanksgiving, loyal readers! And remember, when one of your relatives acts up and you start to regret inviting them, it could be a whole lot worse. You could have invited a few Disney characters!
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