Grim-grinning ghosts are coming out to socialize, my kids are preparing to eat WAY too much candy, and every shelf in every store is filled with Christmas decorations. Yes, it’s almost Halloween! I don’t know about you, loyal reader and Disney fan, but I LOVE Halloween. I’m a big fan of everything about it, especially giving out candy to trick-or-treaters (and maybe eating a candy bar in the process). I also love spending time in Walt Disney World this time of year (or any time of year, honestly) and attending Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party at the Magic Kingdom. While there you get to see a lot of characters dressed up and trick-or-treating in their Halloween Costumes. But what if the situation was flipped and the Disney characters started knocking on your door, candy bag in hand, on Halloween night? Here are the Disney Characters You Wouldn’t Want Trick-Or-Treating At Your House.
Vanellope Von Schweetz from Wreck-It Ralph – Okay, so let’s just face it, this girl’s a talker. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing at all! My almost five-year-old daughter can talk it up with the best of them (usually about her imaginary friend, which is a little more startling around Halloween). But Vanellope is a special kind of talker. She’s the kind of kid that would stand at your door and let a HUGE line form right behind her just because she wants to crack another sarcastic joke about your strange Halloween costume. Also, why would she even be trick-or-treating, anyway? The kid lives in a video game called Sugar Rush where EVERYTHING is literally made of candy. Also, she has candy stuck in her hair that she could snack on for a week even if she was outside of her game (which is risky anyway, because if she dies outside her game, she won’t regenerate). I know I wouldn’t be happy to see Vanellope walking up my driveway on Halloween night.
Chip from Beauty and the Beast – This guy would be pretty tricky to give candy to on Halloween night. How would you even go about doing it? First off, he’s a cup, so he has no hands. He can’t knock on the door, can’t carry a bag of candy around, and presumably can’t feed himself at all. Even if he somehow got up to my front door, used his face to knock, and said “Trick-Or-Treat!”, where do I even put the candy? Do I put it in his cup head? That seems rude and intrusive. Do I feed him the candy? That seems weird and a little too familiar for a cup I’m just meeting for 30 seconds on Halloween. It just seems like there would be WAY too much responsibility on my end if Chip came to my house on Halloween night.
Heimlich from A Bug’s Life – Heimlich is a bit of a mess. The guy loves candy though, I’ll give him that. Besides the obvious size issue (would I even KNOW if he was at my door?), he just wouldn’t be an ideal guy to have trick-or-treating. He’s a little bit slimy, he chews with his mouth open and he also talks while he’s eating. Even my kids know that doing that is a no-no, and they’re all under the age of 5. And let’s talk about the eating. He. Never. Stops. You think Heimlich is going to take a couple pieces of candy and move on? I don’t think so (said in my best Kevin McAllister voice). As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure he will just decimate your whole candy supply in a matter of minutes (especially candy corn, as you know well if you’ve ever ridden Heimlich’s Chew Chew Train in Disney’s California Adventure). So if you see Heimlich inching down your street on Halloween, it might be a good idea to turn off the lights and pretend you’re not home (my neighbors do that when they see me coming!)
Baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? – At first sight when Baby Herman is being pushed up to your front door in his stroller, you may think he’s just another cute little baby out for his first Halloween trick-or-treat. Obviously, that feeling wouldn’t last very long once he opens his mouth. Baby Herman is loud, obnoxious, foul-mouthed, and abrasive. He drinks, smokes cigars, and curses all of the time. I just simply can’t have that around my kids and I wouldn’t want my house to become known as the one where any talking, booze-drinking baby could go to get candy. I mean, is he even a real baby? Is he 50 years old? Is his mom around? I can’t even begin to answer the questions that I have about this little guy so I would certainly not want him (or his mom, dad, nanny, or girlfriend or wife) ringing my bell on Halloween night.
The Seven Dwarfs – Just imagine you’re going about your Halloween night, dropping candy into kids’ bags or buckets, telling them how great their costumes are, when these seven bearded little old men walk up to your door (yes, I know Dopey doesn’t have a beard). What would you do? Before even knowing that each one of them has some kind of crazy ailment that keeps them ostracized from the rest of society, you already have a candy dilemma on your hands. Do you even give them candy? They’re obviously not children, but they have some kind of cohesive theme going on and they are all the size of large children. Then you’ll have to think of the lawsuits that you may have to face if you do end up giving them candy. What if Sleepy falls asleep while walking down your driveway? Instant lawsuit there. What if Sneezy sneezes while eating a piece of candy that you gave him? He could choke – another lawsuit. What about if Grumpy isn’t happy with your candy selection and wants to start a fight over it? Do you think you can fight off ALL SEVEN DWARFS at once?! And guess what, if you can and do, that’ll be another lawsuit. Doc is smart, he’ll make sure you go down for your indiscretions. Listen, I don’t want to see anyone end up in jail over Halloween candy. If I were you and I saw them coming on Halloween, I’d just give them some spare change. They work in a mine all day anyway and share a home so I’m pretty sure they’re not wealthy. I think they’d appreciate the gesture.
The fact is, there are just WAY too many Disney characters that I would never want knocking on my door on Halloween night. These guys are literally just the tip of that iceberg. I didn’t even mention Winnie the Pooh (obviously self-medicates with sweets), The White Rabbit (would probably knock WAY too late), or Anna from Frozen (eats chocolate like a maniac). So this Halloween while you’re handing out Snickers and Sour Patch Kids to 50 girls dressed like Mal and Evie (if you don’t know who they are, you probably don’t have young daughters), just remember, it could be worse. You could always be giving out candy to one of these undesirable Disney trick-or-treaters!
Thank you once again for reading and playing along with another goofy Disney list. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! If I missed any bad trick-or-treaters or if you’d like to continue the conversation, please comment here on this page, send me a Facebook message HERE, a Tweet HERE, or email me at phil@eartotheretravel.com. And please feel free to share any of my blog posts on social media by clicking any of the buttons at the top or bottom of each post. Thank you again so much for reading and please enjoy the rest of your stay here at Ear To There Travel!
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