Last Spring, my wife and I took our three young children on vacation to the Walt Disney World Resort for a week. While there, we spent a few days walking around Epcot for the Flower & Garden Festival. When you go to an event like that, you end up walking an awful lot. As a matter of fact, the average guest at the WDW Resort or Disneyland Resort walks all day and night, and those miles add up! I was walking between 10 and 14 miles during those park days! That’s WAY more than I’m used to on average, and I’m a distance runner!
One thing I did notice was at the end of the day my feet were not only sore, but they smelled a bit…funky, I guess is the right word? So it got me thinking…who in the Walt Disney World Resort must have the smelliest feet on property? No, I’m not talking about regular guests, cast members, or even the animals that make up the population of Disney’s Animal Kingdom. I’m talking about the folks that are there day in and day out without ever getting a single break. Here are a few that I came up with:
Dirty Foot Pirate – If you’ve ever ridden Pirates of the Caribbean in the Magic Kingdom, chances are you’ve seen the pirate with the very realistic, very gross and dirty bare foot sitting on a bridge as your boat travels underneath him. He sings his pirate song and swings that filthy, hairy appendage back and forth, really close to the innocent guests in the boat. The ships that pirates sailed on weren’t exactly clean, and this guy seems to be way more into sacking the town and downing some rum than wading into the water to get his foot, or the rest of him for that matter, clean.
Leonardo Da Vinci in Spaceship Earth – Leonardo has been painting that ceiling in the Sistine Chapel in Spaceship Earth for over 30 years. First of all, it’s Europe during the Renaissance. Second, this version of the famous cathedral is located in Central Florida. We all know heat rises, so that would put Da Vinci in the hottest part of the whole building. Combine that with the fact that he hasn’t taken a break or moved much in three decades, and his poor feet have to be pretty ripe at this point.
Mummies of The Great Movie Ride – Okay, admittedly, these mummies have not been around as long as those sitting in tombs in Egypt. But, since 1989, these scary, smelly undead uglies have been sitting in one spot in the horror genre section of The Great Movie Ride. Most mummies in the movies get to stand up, walk around, and air those bad boys out, but these guys have had their feet wrapped up and hidden away for decades. If my socks are admittedly pretty gross after a full day walking around Hollywood Studios, I can’t image sitting next to these guys who have been wearing the same footwear for much, much longer!
The Hall of Presidents – Here we might have the largest collection of stinky feet in any one Walt Disney World attraction. I’m not talking about Presidents Obama, Bush, Clinton, or any of the other recent commanders in chief. These esteemed gentlemen were around in the modern days of cleanliness and hygiene. But what about those first 15 or so Presidents of the US? Standing alongside the stinky feet of Washington, Jefferson, or James Van Buren must be absolutely horrible for the more modern Presidents of our great country. I mean, we all know Washington couldn’t take time to take care of his teeth, imagine how much attention his feet actually got! No matter what your politics are or how you feel about any of these Presidents, you cannot possibly disagree with the fact that this has to be the stinkiest collection of feet in Central Florida.
The Yeti from Expedition Everest – The only non-human on the list (the mummies are arguably still human) has to be the larger than life, whitish-grayish, smelly, stinky Yeti from Animal Kingdom’s best thrill ride. When you see the size of the muddy Yeti footprints when walking through Expedition Everest’s queue, you already get the feeling that he probably isn’t the type of creature that takes great care of himself. Then when you finally see him up-close and personal as you are flying through the mountain, it’s obvious that he’s just an all out dirtball! And to make it worse, the guy hasn’t moved (Disco Yeti, anyone?) for years, so the dirt and dust is just piling up on his already smelly feet. I just pray that this attraction doesn’t break down while I’m near his abominably awful feet!
So the next time your significant other, children, or family pet complain about the smell once you take your shoes off at the end of the day, you can point to any of these examples and tell them that it could be a whole lot worse!
Thank you for taking the time to read this goofy list! Please enjoy the rest of your stay here at Ear To There Travel!